Carl Jung once said,”Nothing so affects the life of a child as a parent’s unfulfilled life.”
I knew a woman who was born in the early 1920’s. She was a quite intelligent, insightful, introspective,creative woman. She graduated valedictorian of her high school class, and was offered a full scholarship to attend college. This was around 1940.
But her mother, who had been born before the turn of the century, wouldn’t let her go to college becauseshe said “That’s where young girls go to get pregnant.” So what did this woman do? Heartbroken, she stayed home, got married and got pregnant. She had her first child at age 19, and she had her sixth at age 39.
Though she loved her children, she never expressed the gifts she carried inside. She lived most of heradult life very depressed, full of despair. Some days she couldn’t even get out of bed. Then at the age of 64, my mother died having never really lived.
Her story itself is heart-breaking. But reflecting on Carl Jung’s statement, “Nothing so affects the life of a child as a parent’s unfulfilled life”, how do you imagine her life affected the lives of her six children, and their children, and their children after that? Can you imagine the beliefs that were imprinted on the lives of those she cared about, just as the beliefs of her own mother were imprinted on her?
She was trapped inside a box whose borders were labeled “you can’t have what you want”, “girls aren’t supposed to achieve success”, “you have an obligation to your family, your children”, “to want for yourself is selfish”, “you might as well not even try to be free”.
Most people, especially parents, have experienced voices that tell them that to pursue their own dreams is selfish. To want for yourself somehow excludes the needs of those whom you care for. When in fact, if you believe Carl Jung’s statement, living a fulfilled life may actually be the most unselfish thing you can do.
If you dare to break out of the box of your family dynamic and challenge the beliefs that you learned and took for granted to be true, you not only free yourself, but you open up a whole new course for those around you – your children, nieces, nephews and loved ones. Suddenly, they can look around and say “someone like me, cut from my cloth has achieved something bigger than me. Maybe it’s not out of my reach to do that too. Can you imagine what would have happened if the woman, my mother, would have chosen to pursue her dreams? How her life and the lives of her children would have been different? She not only would have expanded her own horizons, but the horizons of all those who know her, and all those she loved.
Each and every one of us has a spark inside of us. A purpose. A reason we’re here. It’s unique for each of us, and it’s the key to true fulfillment.
We get caught up in getting through day after day, and it can be hard to feel that spark, to listen to what it’s saying to us. But if we learn how to listen, it’s not so hard. And there are ways to get help.
I have a good friend, Mary Fleming, from Florida, who dedicates her life to help others to know their purpose and to learn to LIVE their purpose. She’s become quite a master at it. She helped me to see that speaking to large audiences is a part of fulfilling my life’s purpose – that’s why I now attend Toastmasters. And when I heard this it rang true for me. I had had dreams about it, had envisioned it. Yet working with her opened up the path for me and helped me take the steps to move along that path. And every time I take a step in that direction, it’s not work – it’s motivating, inspiring, fulfilling – it’s fun.
But taking this step takes courage. It’s not easy to make such a deep change. The thought of being big is scary.
Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
So I leave you with this question: Do you have the courage to lift the barriers and live your life with purpose? What change will you make in yourself today? What step can you take to brighten your life and the lives of those you love?
